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My Dinner With Allstar/Transcript

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(Allstar is entering the Snorkland junkyard one afternoon)

Allstar: When I win this scavenger hunt, I'll show Junior Wetworth once and for all that I'm the best!

Bigweed: *spying on him* What's Allstar doin' in my garbage dump? There's nothin' sacred! 

Allstar: *finds geenie bottle* A golden baby snork booty! 

Bigweed: *watching from afar* Gold?!

Allstar: Well, it's not a booty, but it's golden.

Bigweed: *jumps out at him* Way to go, Allstar! You, you, you found my rusted doo-hickey! It was lost, now give it to me!

Allstar: You'll have to catch me first!

Bigweed: Give it to me, you little clam chopper! 

Allstar: Boy, are you slow?! You've been eating too many kepburgers!

Bigweed: *fakes a broken ankle* Oh, my poor leg! It hurts! Pain! Woo hoo! PAIN! 

Allstar: Gee, Bigweed, are you alright?

Bigweed: It hurts! Woo hoo, it hurts!

Allstar: Oh, what can I do to help?

Bigweed: Well for starters, I'll take this! *snatches lamp* 

Allstar: You big faker!

Bigweed: Well I may be slow, but I'm sneaky!

(they play tug of war with it until it breaks into half, causing an evil geenie to be released)

Geenie: *laughs*

Both: What's that?! *a whirlpool forms* Oh no! *they get sucked into it* 

Bigweed: I don't think we're in Snorktown anymroe!

Allstar: I'll bet you we're in the fifth dimension! Dr. Gallio talks about it, but I never thought it existed!

Bigweed: I don't care where we are, as long as that grumpy geenie ain't around!

(a tunner-fish can be heard playing a simple song)

Allstar: Did you hear that?

Bigweed: Nah!

Allstar: Well you must've heard that!

Bigweed: Nope, can't say that I did.

Allstar: Look, there's a light! And music, coming form the other side! *sees the light* 

Bigweed: What do you think's out there?

Allstar: I don't know. But I think we can squeeze through.

Bigweed: Easy for you to say!

Allstar: *enters the hole* Come on, I'll pull you through!

Bigweed: Yeah, you and who else?! *Allstar plls him out of there, and they enter a cave in the fifth dimension* Now where are we?!

Allstar: *sees it's a clean field, oddly enough resembling an empty Snorkland junkyard* Wow, this looks like wonderland! 

(as they swim around the tunner-fish still plays the music and it's right behind them)

Bigweed: What was that? 

Allstar: It's a little tunner-fish. So that's where the music's coming from!

Bigweed: It's a tumbling tunner-fish!

Allstar: Hey look, Bigweed, he's trying to tell us something! 

Bigweed: I hope it's the way out. You don't have to ask me twice, tunner! 

(they continue swimming behind it until they make a hault)

Allstar: Do you see what I see?

(a pink elephant passes by on its back)

Bigweed: *rubs eyes* If it's a pink elephant fish doin' the backstroke, no! *it plays music* Hi! *looks art audience* Ooh, this place is weird. 


(they enter a field of searoses)

Allstar: These searoses are beautiful!

Bigweed: *a fish swims behind him* I could swear there's somethin' followin' me!

Allstar: It's just your imagination.

(but it touches the lamp, causing Bigweed to turn around)

Bigweed: Got ya! *it's gone* Ugh, I must be weak from hunger! *it does it again* Eeyah! *it's still gone* Now I get it! You're playin' a trick on me to steal my lamp! 

Allstar: You've got seaweed on the brain! There's a little smidgeon behind you!

Bigweed: *looks behind him* I knew that. I was just testing you. Come here, little smidgeon. I won't hurt you. Why, he's a cute little fella.

(its mouth gets ridiculously big with large fangs, so they swim for it by going past the DANGER sign and entering a deep gorge, only to be stuck with it as they swim through a lagoon)

Bigweed: *speaking slowly* What's wrong with us?

Allstar: *slowly too* We must be in some kind of slow motion tides!

Bigweed: I wanna go home! I hate this dimension! 

Allstar: Oh, thank goodness the tides shifted! 

(they fall back down onto the ground... somehow)

Bigweed: Oops! There goes my lamp! *grabs the other half of it*

Geenie: *randomly shows up, laughs, and scares away the smidgeon as well as Bigweed and Allstar* 

Bigweed: *stand outside a cave* Mommy, mommy, MOMMY! There's no goin' back now!

Allstar: *pants* Maybe we'll be safer in the cave! *they still hear the tunnerfish in there*

Bigweed: Oh no! I'm not goin' in there! 

Allstar: Why not?

Bigweed: I'll tell ya why not! It's dark, and it looks scary! And tunner's in there, singing a weird tune! 

Allstar: But the geenie's out there! 

Bigweed: Like I said, that cave looks mighty safe to me! *all go in there* 

(all see a batfish come towards them)

Allstar: Look out! It's a batfish! *ducks down to avoid it*

Bigweed: Don't be such a scaredy snork! They're harmless! What is it with you two? I'll lead the way! If that batfish flies any lwoer, I won't need a kelp trim for a month! Watch out! *swims from it* What was that?

Allstar: Sounds like an underground stream.

Bigweed: Hey, did you hear that?

Allstar: *stops* Look! It's a sawfish! Timber!!!

Both: Yikes! * a piece of stalagmite almost falls on them*

Allstar: Oh, that was close!

Bigweed: Too close! We almost wound up on ice!

Allstar: Spped it up, Bigweed!

Bigweed: Gimme a break! Now I'm pooped!

Allstar: He's got a point, tunner. I'm tired, too.

Bigweed: *sits down on the tongue of a giant creature* You can do what you want. I'm gonna get me some sleepy time! *lays down* Perfect! Ah, this is mighty nice!

Allstar: *sees what it really is* L-l-l-look!

Bigweed: Ah, leave me alone, I need some shut-eye!

Allstar; But-but-but you're in the m-m-outh of a whale!

Bigweed: Whale what?! *sees it for himself* A whale?! *runs* Why didn't ya tell me?! YAO!

(all are swimming away now)

Allstar: Faster, tunner! *it leads the way out*

Bigweed: Wait for me! 

Allstar: Tunner, where are you? 

Bigweed: Wait for us!

(but they drop into another colorful whirlpool before it gets really dark)

Bigweed: Who turned out the lights?!

Allstar: Bigweed, I have a feeling we're not alone! *eyeballs pop up all over the place*

Bigweed: How can ya tell? It's darker than a licorice in here! 

Both: *see the eyeballs* YIII! 

<TRANSITION>

(they finally swim over to a light)

Allstar: Look! There's a light at the end of a tunnel!

(however, they enter a "hall of mirrors" so to speak)

Bigweed: I want out of this dimension now! *sees himself in the mirror and smiles while scratching his head* Allstar, where are ya?

Allstar: *so many of him now* Over here!

Bigweed: There you are! 

Allstar: No, I'm over here!

Bigweed: *sees him in two different places at once* What is this place???

Allstar: They're sea-crystals. It's just like a hall of mirrors. *goes to an enlarged mirror* Hey, I look like you!

Bigweed: *sees himself thinner and with an hour glass figure* And I look like you!

Allstar: I'm havin' a good time! 

Bigweed: *chuckles* And I'm about to! *steals lamp from behind his back* 

Allstar: *chases after him* I can't turn my back on you for one minute! 

Bigweed: Boy, I look small! Thank goodness it's just a crystal! 

Allstar: Think again, Littleweed! 

Bigweed: *sees a gigantic Allstar* WOOOWWW!!!

Allstar: *stomps toward him* Give me my golden lamp!

Bigweed: You wouldn't pick on someone smaller than you? *throws it too him, but a crystal breaks, revealing an escape hole* 

Allstar: *jumps out* After the lamp!

Bigweed: *follows suit* 

Allstar: From now on, keep your weedy paws off my lamp!

Bigweed: Well what do ya expect? I'm a bad guy!

Allstar: Now, where are we?!

Bigweed: Yeah, where's that little tunnerfish when you really need him?!

(it returns with a few seahorses)

Allstar: Way to go, tunner! 

{COMMERCIAL BREAK}

(Allstar and Bigweed are riding on the seahorses through the fifth dimension)

Bigweed: With these seaponies, we can ride out of this nightmare! 

Allstar: Look, it's a castle!

(it says LE KELP BURGER)

Bigweed: It's an allusion. 

Both: No, it's a kelpburger restaurant! 

Tunnerfish: *dances around and leaves as the boys walk up to it*

Allstar: This place looks scary to me. *they go up to the front window and see some scary sights* Boy, is this freaky?

Bigweed: No wonder tunner tuend out!

Allstar: Can't say I blame him!

Bigweed: *gets out a large tire and looks at it, as well as an alarm clock* 

Allstar: What are you looking for?

Bigweed: *he finally finds the other half of the lamp* Whoa, I thought I'd lost it!

Allstar: Why don't you let me hold on to it for you?

Bigweed: I'm hungry, not stupid! Right now, I wish this round lamp could give me a square meal!

Allstar: Me too! I'm starving, and I don't have any money!

(a sign saying TODAY ONLY: FREE FOOD is put out in front)

Both: Free food?! *look at each other* 

Allstar: Well, how scary can it be? *they run inside*

(they enter a pretty deserted and somewhat disorganized restaurant)

Sal: Welcome to my restaurant.

Bigweed: Who's that?

Sal: I've been expecting you. I'm Salvador Salamander.

Bigweed: Hiya, Sal! I'm Bigwed, and this is Allstar, and we're hungry!

Sal: You have come to the right place. Walk this way.  (they follow him to a table, where they receive their own menus)

Allstar: Where are we? You're the first person we've met here who can talk.

Sal: You are everywhere, and you are nowhere.

Bigweed: Well that certainly clears that up. Sal: Would you care for a beverage?

Bigweed: *shakes his head* Nah, just bring on the food, Sal.

Allstar: Where is everyone? You'd think that on Free Food Day, the place would be jumping.

Sal: *walks away* It's the off season.

Bigweed: This guy gives me the kelpies.

Allstar: Yeah, I'm scared of him too.

Bigweed: I'm gonna check the exits. We might need to make a fast getaway. 

Allstar: *reads through menu* Hmm, this looks good. This rack of clam, algae au groutin, salmon eggs benedict, and even kelp louraine! 

Bigweed: *sits back down* We're trapped like searats! All the exits are locked! *they both get startled by Sal popping up unexpectedly*

Both: Yikes!

Allstar: Wh-wh-wh-why are all the doors locked?

Sal: I assure you, my very special guests, the doors swing out, the doors swing in. Pelase stay for a complimentary dinner.

Bigweed: I know that door was locked!

Allstar: Well if we're trapped, we might as well enjoy a good meal.

Sal: Are you ready to order?

Bigweed: Well how's the rack of clam?

Sal: It's excellent!

Bigweed: Then I'll have that!

Sal: Well unfortunately for you, we're out of it.

Bigweed: Well then I'll have the kelp louraine, a side of sardines, soem soft shell crab, and a double scoop seaweed sundae!

Allstar: Um, make that two!

Sal: Oh once again, gentlemen, you have made excellent choices!

Bigweed: Bring on the grub, Sal, I can't wait!

Sal: Unfortunately for you, we are out of it.

Bigweed: *grabs him* Unless you bring us some food and quick, you're gonna be out of it!

Sal: Two complete kelploaf dinners, coming right up! *he leaves*

Bigweed: You just gotta know how to talk to these guys.

(as they eat their bread, Bigweed still tries to steal the other half of th lamp out of Allstar's pocket)

Allstar: *smacks his hand away* Don't you ever quit???

Bigweed: Not when it's somethin' I want!

Allstar: Here we are stuck in the fifth dimension, danger all around us, and you're still worried about gold!

Bigweed: You can always count on me!

Allstar: Look, let's call it truce, put our lamps on the table, and eat in peace.

Bigweed: You first.

Allstar: *gets his half of the lamp out* Of all the kelp joints in the world, I had to get stuck in one with you.

Bigweed: *gets his half of the lamp out too* Alright, already! *the pieces come together, and they glow a bright pinkish color* 

Both: Wow, that's some lamp!

Sal: *brings out their crab soup* Gentlemen, crab soup.

Bigweed: Smells delicious, Sal. 

(as they eat their soups in peace, a real crab pops out and breaks apart the lamp, thus taking one of its halves back into the bowl with him, causing the soup itself to splash onto Bigweed's face)

Bigweed: Hey, where'd everyone go?! *sees only one half of the lamp and automatically blames it on Allstar* you stole my lamp!

Allstar: Not me! *sees it in the soup and gasps* It's in there!

Bigweed: Now I see it! *sticks his hand in there, and out pops the crab with it* 

Allstar: It's a little crab!

Bigweed: A crab with a grab! Sal, there's a crab in my soup!

Sal: Oh, a thousand pardons, sir. I will remove it at once. *takes the bowl, but Bgiweed grabs the lamp piece*

Bigweed: Not so fast! *gets soup all over Sal as he grabs it from the crab itself* You know, Sal, that soup has a real kick to it!

Allstar: *as Sal walks away, annoyed* You wear it well.

(later on, Sal brings out their kelploaf)

Sal: Gentlemen, kelploaf supreme. I hope you will find this more to my liking.

Bigweed: You and me both, Sal, or no tip for you! 

(they both chow down on their meals)

Bigweed: Now this is more like it!

Allstar: Mmm, oh! *a purple tentacle grabs the remaining lamp piece* Stop that, you lamp snatcher!

Bigweed: Huh?! *they both struggle to open the container the kelploaf came in, where the lamp was stolen again* Don't clam up on me, bigmouth! *Allstar grabs the lamp whole* Quick, grab the lamp! Whoa, boy that was close! Nothin' makes sense in this dimension!

Allstar: Except everyone wants this lamp!

Bigweed: Of course, it's gold!

Allstar: *gasps* That's not all it is.

(the gypsy girls dance over to the boys and scratch their chins, making them giggle with delight)

Allstar: We've got to get into that kitchen to find out what's going on, and I have a plan.

(somehow, under the table, they swap clothes with two of the gypsies)

Allstar: *after he and Bigweed are dressed in gypsy outfits and wigs* Gee, Bigweed, you look pretty cute.

Bigweed: If you ever tell anyone about this, I'll feed you to a snorkeater! (they overhear Sal talking in the chef's kitchen)

Sal: Where are those bumbling Fatina sisters? They must not fail me. *they spy on him to see he's really the evil geenie in disguise* I must get that lamp back!

Allstar: I was right! He is behind it!

Sal: Holy kelpsicles! I am the geenie of the lamp! If I don't get it back, I'll become powerless, and stuck in this dimension forever! 

Bigweed: If that's what's goin' on, we should be goin' out!

(all try tip-toeing out when caught)

Sal: There you are, my desert's blossoms! 

Allstar: I think my plan just backfired!

Bigweed: *grabs handroller* I think I'm gonna protect myself!

Sal: Did you get my magic lamp? *they giggle* You failed! You should be boiled in oil! *but Bigweed jumps into his arms by accident* Ah, but I would never boil a beauty like you! Come to me, my little clam dip! 

Bigweed: Let's get outta here before I get engaged! 

(as they try to hide in the next room, they lose their disguises and Sal the Geenie grows taller)

Geenie: Imposters!

Bigweed: Head for the big door! *they try opening it, but can't*

Allstar: It's no use! We've got to find another way out!

Geenie: There's no escape! Give me the lamp! *he tries catching them, but they escape*

Allstar: Here he comes! man the battle stations! 

(they throw glass plates at him)

Geenie: You cannot defeat the power of the Geenie~

Bigweed: That's not the way we heard it!

Allstar: Yeah! You're useless without the lamp!

Geenie: How is this for useless??? 8turns into a giant whirlpool*

Allstar: How'd he do that?

Bigweed: *runs* Who cares?! Run for your lives!

(they run around the room from it)

Geenie: I seat you! 

Both: Eek!

(as they still run from him, he drops a giant chandelier)

Bigweed: Look out! *they dodge it* 

Allstar: Step into my office! I got a plan!

Bigweed: *helps push a giant machine* Whoa, that was too close!

Allstar: look, the only way we're gonna get rid of this geenie is to send him back where he came from. 

Bigweed: Arabia?

Allstar: No! Inside the lamp!

Bigweed: Listen, Mr. Smarty-snork, that guy's an extra large - he'll never fit in that lamp.

Allstar: But that's where he came from. We must've released the geenie when we broke the lamp. 

Bigweed: So, how do we get him back in? You yell, "Hey Sal, back in the lamp!"?? I'm trapped in the fifth dimension with a dreamer!

Allstar: Come on, there's no time to lose!

(they invent a small device together)

Bigweed: I sure hope our homemade vaccum cleaner works!

Allstar: Oh, we'll soon find out.

Bigweed: Ready?

Allstar: Let's try it out. *tests it*

Geenie: When I get my hands on you two, I'll turn you int ominced cal!

Bigweed: Hurry up, hurry up, he's breakin' through!!!

Allstar: I'm goin' as fast as I can!

Bigweed: It works!

Allstar: Ready, Bigweed? 

Bigweed: Ready! As soon as he breaks through, I'll lead him to you!

Allstar: Let's clean up this joint!

Geenie: *breaks in* Give me the lamp!

Bigweed: You want it?! Come and get it! *runs as the vaccum makes some crackling noises* Allstar, what's wrong?

Allstar: It won't work!

Bigweed: If it doesn't, we're history! 

Geenie: I have waited 2,000 years to be released from my prison, and to possess the magic lamp! 

Bigweed: Patience like that should be rewarded! Crank it up Allstar!

Geenie: *gets sucked in* What are you doing?!

Bigweed: Just cleanin' up the crumbs!

Geenie: I'll get you for this! *is gone*

Bigweed: Keep in touch!

Allstar: Syanara!

Bigweed: *gets out lamp* Reverse the vaccum!

Allstar: Gladly! *they suck him back into the lamp*

Both: Hooray! *high five each other*

Allstar: We did it!

Bigweed: Never doubted you for a minute, kid! That vaccum cleaner trick gets them every time! *ground shakes* Oh, terrific! We've captured the geenie, and now there's an earthquake!

Allstar: Nope. The fifth dimension is crumbling.

Bigweed: What do ya mean?

Allstar: Simple. When we released the geenie, we released the fifth dimension, too. 

Bigweed: I get it! So now this crazy world is goin' back into the lamp, too!

Allstar: Right! Brace yourself for a wild ride! 

(they both get sucked into another whirlpool, along with the lamp, and end up safely back in their dimension, and the Snorkland junkyard, huggign each other tightly)

Bigweed: I'm afraid to open my eyes!

Allstar: *opens his eyes and looks around, then gasps* We're back!

Bigweed: Are you sure? No tunner-fish? No evil geenies?

Allstar: Positive!

Bigweed: *gasps* I'm home! Dump sweet dump!

Allstar: What a day! Oh, I'm sure I've lost the scavenger hunt!

Bigweed: And that lamp turned out to be made of fool's gold!

Allstar: You know what I recommend after a hard day's adventure in the fifth dimension?

Bigweed: Allstar, we think alike!

Both: Food!

(they are now seen swimming back into town together) 

Bigweed: You know, Allstar, this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Allstar: It would never work.

Bigweed: Yeah, you're right. But let me make a suggestion - this time, we pay for our dinner!

Allstar: Absolutely! The price you pay for a free meal these days is just too high!


(c) 1989 Hanna-Barbera and SEPP International

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