Rhyme and Punishment/Transcript
(Open with Junior and Daffney at the library)
Junior: *going through books* Oh, my snork is cooked if I don't get an A on this book report. All these stories are all the same. I need a book that's really different.
Daffney: Oh, Junior, how am I supposed to do my homework?!
Junior: Uh oh. Pipe down, Daffney. You wanna get us kicked out on our snorks? Uh, sorry, she always gets carried away doing book reports.
Snorks: *muble and leave*
Daffney: *angry* Thanks a lot, Junior.
Junior: Come on. Let's try to find some really special books.
(Junior and Daffney do so)
Daffney: Let's see what's down there. *both go down esculators* I've never been in this part of the library before.
Junior: Yeah, I bet hardly anyone knows about it.
(both get scared by a reader passing by when Daffney sees a sign above the entrance)
Daffney: Jumping jellyfish, we found the Rare Book Room!
Junior: Now this is more like it!
(go in there when Daffney runs into cobwebs)
Daffney: Ew, how icky! Oh, there goes my hairdo!
Junior: Wow, look at all these old books!
Daffney: Yeah, these should really help us with our book report!
Junior: Hey, here's the first edition of Huckleberry's Fin!
Daffney: One Thousand and One Uses For Barnaces - oh, this one's boring the bookworm!
(both cough becuase of all the old dust down there)
Junior: How about this one? The Mathmatical Multiplication of Concentric Configurations in Curly Spined Crustaceans.
Daffney: Uh, no thanks.
Junior: *opens it up and laughs at the skeleton picture* Maybe I oughta check this out for Allstar!
Daffney: Look at this one! Best Kept Fashion Secrets *realizes what it is* of the 1898's?! Oh, ratfish!
(books fall on them)
Junior: *sees a pair of eyes* What's that?! *batfish flies out* Oh, I wonder how long he's been in there.
Daffney: This place is starting to give me the creeps.
Junior: Come on, Daffney, there's nothing weird in here. *sees a glowing book pop open and gulps* As I was saying, let's go or we'll be late for lunch.
Daffney: No, wait! It's so beautiful! *reads it* "Princess Pearline's Magical Trip Through the Land of Mother Goosefish!" Gee, it must be great to be a princess and live in a castle! Oh, my life is so boring! I wish I could find out what it's like to be a princess like that!
Junior: What a silly idea!
Pearline: I think it sounds like fun!
Daffney: *her and Junior startled* Who said that?
Pearline: Why I did, of course. Just say the magic word, and your life can be a fairy tale.
Daffney: What do you mean?
Pearline: If you say, "I wish I would, I wish I might, live in a fairy tale world tonight," then you and I will trade places.
Daffney: Trade places?! Oh, that sounds clamtastic!
Junior: Oh, I think it sounds stupid! *tries dragging her away from it* Come on, Daffney, this book is givign me the creeps!
Daffney: Oh, Junior, relax! Besides, talk about a killer book report! This is it! Okay, Princess, you've got yourself a deal!
Junior: *gasps* No, wait!
Daffney: I wish I would, I wish I might, live in a fairy tale world tonight!
(Junior tires stopping her when lights flash and Pearline's right behind him)
Junior: Daffney, where did you go???
Daffney: I'm down here, Junior!
Junior: Oh, this is terrible! Are you alright?
Daffney: *literally inside the book and standing in front of a castle* I'm just fine! Wow, you shoudl see it in here, it's incredible! Everything is so, so gorgeous! I'm gonna check out that castle! Don't worry, Junior, I'll be right back!
Junior: No wait, don't go!
Pearline: Yay, I'm in the real world now! I finally got out of that book! *spins Junior around* Look ma, no finches! I'm free, free at last!
Junior: Yeah right, we're free. But boy, we're also in toruble! Look at this mess! How will we ever get this place cleaned up!
Pearline: Oh, that's easy. *picks up this wand* Zoom, zoom, clean up this room!
Wand: My pleasure, princess! *cleans it up for her*
Junior: Wow, that's some wand. Hmm, I wonder what else it can do.
Pearline: Ooh, what's that?
Junior: Hey, wait for me!
Pearline: What is this strange looking thing? *goes up the escalator but goes back down* Why can't I get to the top?
Junior: Don't you know anything?! You have to go UP on thr up-eelevator!
Pearline: Oh, look at that! What is it?
Junior: Oh, I can't let her out of my sight! She might hurt herself! *cash in eyes* Besides, that wand could be worth something. Wait up!
(Daffney's still in the castle)
Daffney: Ooh, what a radical view! Too bad Junior's not here! He wouldn't believe this castle, and this ballroom is unreal! *inside it* Ooh, I'd never seen such splender! Look at that chandelir! And those columns! Oh, how I wish I could go to a fairy tale ball in here! *dances around and then sees a portrait of the prince* Why Prince CHarming, I'd love to dance!
Narrator: In the loveliest castle you've ever seen, there once lived a princess named Pearline.
Daffney: Hey, I'm Daffney! Who are you? And where are you hiding?
Narrator: I'm the storyteller.
Daffney: *painting falls on her and she tries placing it back up* Come out here and help me!
Narrator: I can't. I'm only a voice. I only tell the story, and since you're Daffney, I'd better start over. In a castle, there once lived Pearline, but Princess Daffney could now be seen.
Daffney: *pants after placing the portrait back up*
Narrator: But soon she left the Castle Brand, to visit Mother Goosefish Land.
Daffney: Mother Goosefish Land, where's that?
Narrator: On the next page, of couse.
Daffney: Ooh, I've got goosebumps! I can hardly wait to get there!
(Back in the library, though, the other snorks are studying)
Junior: No, wait!
Pearline: What's this book about? What's your name? *grabs drawing* What do you do all day? Did you make this funny looking drawing? Ooh, can I play with that? *messes up calculator*
Snorks: Be quiet!
Junior: Uh, listen, uh, she didn't mean it. See, where she comes from, they don't have libraries. *takes her away* I'll just check out this book, and we're outta here.
(Daffney's now at the foot of Mother Goosefish Land)
Daffney: *reads sign* Entering Mother Goosefish Land. To think I'm really here! I wonder what romantic, exciting character I'll meet first!
(view Mary and her clam on her dress)
Narrator: Mary has a little clam, its shell as white as snow. No matter what poor Mary does, the clam won't let her go.
Daffney: *tries pulling the clam off of her* You can't cling to Mary's skirts forever! Time to grow up and get out of your shell! *it pops off, and Mary now has to go find it* Well, what's wrong with her?
Narrator: Mary's in an awful jam, because she's lost her little clam. All of Mary's friends will say, "Bring your clam, or we can't play!"
Daffney: And thought I was doing her a favor getting her clam off her back. I guess I chipped my nail for nothing! *gasps* That msut be Humpty Dumpty!
Narrator: Humpty loved his life at the top, then he fell from the wall with a slop!
Humpty: *cries and is literally all broken up*
Daffney: Oh, poor egg. Don't worry, Humpty Dumpty, I'll help you.
Humpty: My life falls apart when I fall off that wall. And all the kingsmen are just no help at all.
Daffney: Oh Humpty, relax, there's nothing to it. *uses glue to fix him* A few dabs of Gallio's Goofy Glue will patch you right up. There. With al ittle makeup, the nsoe cracks won't even show.
Humpty: *fixed, and looks at himself* Uh oh, I'd better hurry up and break again! Here come all the king's seahorses, and all the king's men! *falls, but doesn't break, and the kingsmen arrive* Hey guys, wanna hear a great yolk? I can't break! *nervously laughs* Isn't that a crack up?
Kingmen: Oh no! Now we're out of a job!
Humpty: Hey fellas, maybe you can help me. Perhaps if you dropped me a few times. *boucnes around, annoying the kingsmen*
Kingsmen: Come on! Break! Get with it! *eventually leave Humpty still bouncing around*
Daffney: Sheesh, what's wrong with those guys?
Humpty: Because I can't break, those poor kingsmen are out of work, and it's all my fault! *cries*
Daffney: Boy, this book world sure is weird. I just can't figure out this fairy tale thinking. *ground shakes* Junior, what's going on out there??!! *more ground shaking and bouncing around*
(Really, Junior just dropped the book outside of the library)
Junior: Daffney, are you alright?
Daffney: Yes, but that really shook me up! You've got to be more careful!
Junior: Okay, okay, sorry! Oh no, I lost Pearline!
(She swims around in the middle of the road, causing traffic problems as they try not to him her, but some of them hit each other)
Junior: Oh boy. Looks like you guys had a real fender bender. Uh say, anyone see a dingy dane in a funny looking hat? *all growl at him* Hey, take it easy, I hardly know her.
Cop: Tough break. It's gonna take a year to untangle this one. There goes my lunch hour. *complaints* Okay, okay folks, one at a time.
Pearline: *using the phone at a phone booth* What a pretty sound! This is so much fun! *people complain* Everyone's so friendly around here.
Cop: You sure have a way of stopping traffic, lady. I'll let you off this time, but next time, I'm giving you a ticket.
Pearline: A ticket? Oh, goodie! My father gave me a ticket to the circus once! Oh please, cna I have one now?
Cop: No, not right now, just run along, okay? But next time I'll give you one for sure.
Pearline: Oh, alright.
Cop: Boy, did you ever? Some lady in a funny hat causes two traffic jams in one morning. This just ain't my day.
Junior: Mine either. Pearline, wait up!
(Now she's at a restaurant)
Waiter: Welcome to Underwater Creations Cafe. May I offer you a kelp roll to start?
Pearline: For me? Why, thank you. What a nice man.
Waiter: And you must try our coral souflee. *fixes it for her*
Pearline: Well, if you insist.
Waiter: And our jellyfish pudding, of course - specialty of the house.
Pearline: Then, if you insist. *eats her food*
Junior: Pearline, I finally found you.
Pearline: So this nice man gave me food, but I'm stuffed. You finish it, Junior. *she leaves*
Junior: Hey, come back here!
Waiter: Hey, buddy. You a friend of her's?
Junior: Uh, she's my cousin.
Waiter: Well, she left without paying her bill, and it's 30 clams.
Junior: *gulps* 30 clams? Uh, actually, she's a very distant cousin.
Waiter: How good are you at scrubbing dishes?
Junior: Okay, okay, you win! *pays up* 29, 30. Boy I jsut forked over my last clam. That wand had better be worth it.
(Pearline leaves a jewelry store as fire alarms go off)
Pearline: Gee, what's all the noise about?
Cop: This time, you've gone too far, missy. *handcuffs* I'm taking you in!
Pearline: Junior, make him let me go!
Cop: Not a chance. She stole those pearls.
Pearline: But the sign said they were giving them away.
Junior: Oh brother! The sign says "Super Sale - Give Away prices!" Look, I'm sure it's a mistake. She's from far away, and she's not used to things around here.
Cop: *lets her go* Well, okay, seeing as your old man's the governor. But I don't want any more trouble from her, or next time it'll be the last.
Pearline: *gasps* Your world is so complicated. I'd give anything if you'd help me. Please?
Junior: Anything? Uh, okay. Then how about your wand?
Pearline: You mean this old thing? It's a deal. Here. Take it. *Junior has it now* So, your father is the governor? uh, what is a governor? Is it like a king?
Junior: Yeah, well, no. Actually, it's more like an emperor.
Pearline: Wow, then you must be a prince.
(Back in Mother Goosefish Land, Daffney enters a house)
Daffney: Oh look, I wonder who lives in here!
(It's the old woman and her hungry little octopup)
Narrator: Poor old Mother Hubbard's cubard is bare. Her octopup is hungry, but there is no food to spare.
Daffney: Come on, you cute little thing, I'll find you something to eat. *takes him*
(Lil Jack Horner eats some pie)
Narrator: Little Jack Horner's preparing his thumb, to stick in a pie and pull out a plumb.
Daffney: Wait, I need a piece of your pie for a hungry octopuppy! *tug of war over it* Don't be so greedy! Besides, if you eat this whole pie, you'll get a bellyache! *pie flies and octopup eats it* Aw, you poor thing! Look how hungry you were! Aw come on, Jack, you had plenty!
Narrator: Now Little Jack Horner is sucking his thumb, cause the pup ate his pie up, including the plumb. And Old Mother Hubbard is feeling quite blue, since her pup has been fed she has nothing to do.
Daffney: What's wrong with you two? Would you rather I let the poor pup starve? *pets the octopup*
Narrator: Don't you see, Daffney. You've mixed everything up, and now no one knows what to do.
Daffney: You fairy tale folks are so set in your ways! I made everything better! Let's go back to the beginning, and I'll prove it! *goes off*
(Now at an ice cream stand in town)
Junior: Ah, kelp sickles one clam. *laughs* Okay, let's see what this wand can do. Give me two clams! *throws wand onto the ground* You tricked me! This wand is broken!
Pearline: I forgot to tell you, it only answers to rhymes.
Junior: Oh, uh, abra cazams, shell out two clams. *they're in his hands now, but the stand leaves* Ah nuts, this pokey old wand took two long. Wait, I've got an idea. Give us kelp sickles two, coral chip will do. *eats one* Heh, now we're cookin'!
Pearline: Oooh, those snorks must be very famous.
Junior: Hmm, watch this. Junior Wetworth's now the rage, put my face on every page!
Wand: Don't you think that's a little much?
Junior: Who asked you, anyway? Just do as I say!
Wand: Yes, sir. *does so*
Junior: Hey, look at that, I'm a household face!
(Now in an empty field)
Pearline: When are you gonna show me around, Junior?
Junior: In a minute, I'm busy right now! Uh, build me a statue twelve feet tall, and make me admired by one and all! *does so*
Snorks: *swim over to statue* Junior Wetworth is the best! He's snork and shoulders above the rest!
Wand: Fine thing. I do all the work, and you get all the credit!
Junior: Yeah, yeah. Give me the biggest palace in the land, and then I'll really take command!
Wand: Okay, but it still won't be as big as your head.
Junior: *big palace now* Heh, now this is more like it.
Pearline: Hey, what about my tour? Oh, all Junior cares about are statues and palaces. I feel so left out. Maybe he's not such a great guy after all.
(Inside his palace)
Junior: *sitting on his throne* Huh, now this is the life. My chest are dripping with jewels, I own every toy known to snorkdum, I've got every ocean by the snork! *answers shellephone* Uh, hello? Oh, hi Gov, how's my old man? Clean up my room? Forget it, dad! That puny little place would only cramp my style! *hangs up as a butler hands hima big clamburger* Ha, a clamburger fit for a king! **is about to eat it*
Nerd: Uh, forgive me your majesty, but your calender says something about a book report.
Junior: Oh, that. Give me the best book report that was ever written by a snork!
Wand: *laughs* You call that a rhyme?!
Junior: Okay, wise guy, how's this? Give me an A Plus book report, or you'll be banished from my court!
Wand: Just remember who got you here, bud! *pops out book report*
Junior: Send this to my teacher by special messenger.
Nerd: Uh, yes, your majesty.
Pearline: You're taking me to the amusement park, remember?
Junior: Can't you see I have more important things to do?
Pearline: *cries* But you promised! I'm so sick of being couped up in this palace, I sure miss my fairy tale life! *opens book* I wonder how Daffney is doing.
(Daffney starts again from the toop)
Narrator: Once upon a time, --
Daffney: Okay, let's run through this from the beginning. You'll see I fixed everything! *gets caught by sign as she leaves*
Narrator: Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Daffney: *finds Mary still searching for her clam* Oh Mary, don't tell me you're still here! I'm sure your clam can take care of itself!
Narrator: *school bell rings* Mary's late for an exam, becuase of looking for her clam. Since this is against the rule, now she must stay after school.
Daffney: Well I still think she's better off without that clam clinging to her skirts! *sees kingsmen reading papers* Why are all those kingmen just sitting around like that?
Narrator: The Kingsmen still have nothing to do, since Humpty got patched with goofy glue.
Daffney: Gee, I never knew I would cause this much trouble.
Narrator: Poor little Jack Horner now sits in a corner, he's so bored that he could cry. And the octopup's tummy is feeling quite crummy, becuase he piged out on Jack's pie. See Daffney? Since you changed the story, nobody's happy.
Humpty: You've got to get this glue off! I want to break like I used to!
Daffney: You mean you liked falling apart all the time?!
Humpty: Sure, it's nice to know what you're doing everyday.
Daffney: Yeah, maybe for an egg!
All: Well we're not eggs! We like it!
Daffney: You folks are unreal! I'm sick of this place! I wanna go back where I came from! Help! Help! Let me out!
(Junior Wetworth Stadium...)
Junior: Junior Wetworth Stadium! Love that name!
Pearline: *cries and opens the book* I've just got to get out of here. I know you probably don't wanna switch.
Daffney: Are you kidding? I can't wait to get back to the real world!
Pearline: Huh? You can't?
Daffney: You heard me! Just say the magic words!
Pearline: Oh no! The spell won't work without the magic wand, and I gave it to Junior!
Daffney: It figures!
All: *inside stadium* We love you, Junior, oh yes we do! We love you Junior, and we're true blue!
Junior: This is great! They adore me! *stuff rips off* Uh, maybe this isn't so great after all. Uh, stop! Let go of me! Leave me alone! *back in limo* I didn't know it was so terrible to be so famous! You gotta help me! Here, take your wand! Just make everything go back to normal!
Pearline: I wish I would, I wish I might, live in a fairy tale world tonight!
(Everything now goes back to normal)
Junior: Oh thank goodness that's over!
Daffney: Boy, am I ever glad to be home!
Junior: Come on, Daffney, let's put this book back where no one will ever find it again.
(At school, Ms. Seabottom gives them back their grades for their book reports)
Junior: I didn't turn in my book report?! I got an F??!!
Daffney: Junior, look what I got!
Junior: A Plus! "Daffney, what an imagination!" *moans*
(c) 1988 Hanna-Barbera and SEPP International