(The episode opens up with a view of the Snorkland Playhouse Theatre, and everyone is inside auditioning for a play called Summer and Snork as they read lines and fake Southern accents)
Junior: "You and your old-fashioned ideas! All you DuBrobnicks live in a fantasy world! You've never been anything, and you'll never get anywhere!"
Daffney: "Get off my property, Kid Cuwalski! You may be married to my sister, but you are no friend of mine! The Kelp Plantation has been in the DeBrobnick family for generations! How dare you try to sell our home to the traitor Yankee-snorks from the north? As long as the sea magnolias bloom, and there is kelp to pick, I shall protect the DuBrobnick Plantation! No one will ever take this land from me!"
(Marina, Allstar, Casey, Tooter, and other snorks watch in the audience)
Marina: Very good, darling, bravo!!!
Junior: I know!
Daffney: Thank you!
Marina: Everyone, gather around. I have an announcement to make. As you all know, our school's annual play production is Snorkland's biggest charity fundraiser!
Junior: Yeah, and my ticket to stardom!
Marina: Well, to make this year's play the most smashing ever-success, darling, a close friend of mine has agreed to play our lead role of Blanche!
Daffney: That's not fair! I was born to play that part!
Marina: Now now, darling, as they say in theater, "there are no small aprts - only small actors."
Junior: Tough luck, kid! Maybe you'll get to play the maid! *laughs*
Marina: *holds an eel with blacklines on it* I just received an Ocean Express letter from New Snork City, where famous stage actress, Tallulah Bankfish, will arrive tomorrow to star in our humble production! *all in awe*
Allstar: Wow! The play will be a sell-out for sure!
Daffney: Tallulah Bankfish, coming here?! Oh, I can't believe it! She is my idol!!! *she faints and Tooter catches her*
Marina: Daffney, I think everyone here would agree you gave the best reading. So I feel it's only fair that you be Ms. Bankfish's understudy. *her eyes get big in response* You'll learn a lot from her, darling.
Daffney: I'm going to udnerstudy a living legend!!! *faints once again, so Tooter catches her again* I don't deserve such happiness!
Junior: But I do! I'm gonna get that Kid Cuwalski role, and star with Miss Bankfish!
Marina: That's all for now, fellow actors. *they swim away* Remember, we'll have callbacks tomorrow for final casting. And may the best snork get the part! *lauighs*
Junior: And that snork's name is Junior Wetworth!
(Lil Seaweed's voice can be heard not far from the stage)
Lil Seaweed: Can you believe those idiot snorks?!
Bigweed: Shut up! I'm tryin' to listen!
(now view both of them on the catwalk above the stage)
Lil Seaweed: Oh, do you wanna be in the play, too?
Bigweed: No, you nincumpoop! If you had any brains, you'd be listening too!
Lil Seaweed: What do ya mean?
Bigweed: We've got our golden opportunity to make a bundle! Now all we have to do is kidnap Tallulah Bankfish, and hold her for ransom!
Lil Seaweed: How much do ya think we'll get?
Bigweed: I'm countin' on a million clams!
Lil Seaweed: *grabs his hand and runs out with him* Woo hoo! What are we waiting for? Come on, let's go!
(but they trip on a banana peel, fall off the catwalk, and land onto the stage)
Bigweed: I'm the leader, remember? Next time, you follow me!
Lil Seaweed: Whatever you say! You're the big banana!
(the next day, all are at the eel-evated station waiting for Tallulah Bankfish's arrival, and one stops)
Junior: *reading notes* Miss Bankfish, on this momentous day, I take great pleasure in welcoming you to *the door opens on him, and Tallulah bankfish arrives, and all her suitcase falls on him*
Marina: Hello, Tallulah, monchare!
Tallulah: Oh, Marina, darling! *they hug each other* Oh, you look ravishing, darling! You must tell me your secret!
Marina: Oh, darling, you haven't changed, either! You're the same as when we rode horses together!
Tallulah: *laughs* Ancient history, darling! Come, let us embrace the present!
Daffney: *holds roses for her* Welcome to Snorkland, Miss Bankfish.
Tallulah; Oh, what beautiful searoses! *smells them* Oh many thanks, you enchanting girl!
Daffney: My name is Daffney. I'm gonna be your understudy.
Tallulah: Oh, a fellow artist. We shall become great friends, Daffney.
Marina: Darling, may I present all the members of the snork school drama club?
Tallulah: Oh, you servant fellow actors! I hope I shall be a worth contributor to our dramatic endevor!
(all cheer for her)
Allstar: That a way to go!
Junior: *pops out of suitcases* Uh, welcome, welcome, Miss Bankfish. *grins at her*
Tallulah: Yegads and little fishes, what in Neptune's name is that?!
Daffney: That's Junior Wetworth. he's a big fan of your's, who wants to be in the play.
Tallulah: Ah, a potential co-star! I must put him in his place?
Daffney: Huh? What do ya mean?
Tallulah: Little scene-stealers must be controlled. It's the first lesson you learn in acting, darling. *to Junior* Your eminence! My ears await the sweet tones of your velvet voice!
Junior: Gee, thanks. *gets out more notes and reads them out loud* As president of your local fanclub, *the others cover their ears* it is my delightful duty to welcome you to Snorkland! I haev always been a devoted fan to the great Tallulah!
(Bigweed and Lil Seaweed have her suitcases)
Bigweed: First of all, we got all the bless's fishes, right?
Lil Seaweed: Right, boss.
(they make their hair grow... hairy)
Bigweed: Excellent. Now, is the coast clear?
Lil Seaweed: I'll check. *watches Junior's speech*
Junior: And I recall another time, when I was just a wee snork, *everyone else has fallen asleep* I was cast in that classic play by William Sharkspeare, A Midsummer Snork's Dream.
Tallulah: Oh, darling, do his batteries ever run down?
Lil Seaweed: Leave it to Junior, the windbag. Everybody's half asleep.
Bigweed: *laughs* Perfect! They'll all be off their gone!
Lil Seaweed: Hey boss, what's our next move?
Bigweed: On a count of three, we soup her up in the net, jump the track, and then our hideout.
Lil Seaweed: Gotcha.
(another train passes by)
Daffney: Um, Miss Bankfish, there's another train coming through the dept. *they leave together*
Junior: As President of the local fanclub, and so we welcoem the great Miss Bankfish --
Bigweed: 1, 2, 3, gerranamo!!! *btu they fall near Junior*
Junior: On this most dramatic of all days, *they get run over* to our fair city!
Lil Seaweed: *riding on train* You and your great ideas!
(now back at the playhouse where callbacks are taking place...)
Marina: Alright, alright, Allstar, start reading.
Allstar: Yes, ma'am. *changes his voice and holds a Southern accent* "You and your old-fashioned ideas. All you DeBrobnicks live in a fantasy world. You've never been anything, adn you'll never get anywhere!"
Casey: Oh, Allstar, that was so great!
Marina: I think we found the actor to play Kid Cuwalski!
Junior: *watching from behind the curtains* Ooh, once again, Allstar Seaworthy has snatched my success for his own! I'll have to be his understudy and the lowly curtain puller, too! Well, not for long! I'm gonna get that role if it's the last thing I do! And guess who's going to help me? *pulls curtain over his face* The Phantom of the Playhouse! *howls and laughs*
(Daffney and Tallulah Bankfish are in a top floor suite at the Pickerel Plaza Hotel in downtown Snorkland) Tallulah: And from that role, darling, I went on to play the lead in "Catfish on a Hot Tin Roof."
Daffney: Oh, you were wonderful, Miss Bankfish!
Tallulah: *laughs* I know, darling, I know. *her poodlefish barks* Oh, does mommy's little puppy-wuppy want a special foody-woody? *he shakes his head* Is Angelby tired, and ready for his nappy-wappy? *he shakes his head again and barks* Oh, that must mean one thing, lovebucket - walkies! *he jumps in excitement*
Daffney: I'll be glad to take Dippy outside!
Tallulah: Oh, good grief, no, Daffney, darling. We never go on walkies outside. Why don't you unpack my frocks, dear, *Bgiweed and Lil Seaweed are standing above the deck* and while I exercise Biffy, we can chat.
Bigweed: *hanging Lil Seaweed upside down* Well, what do ya see?
Lil Seaweed: Heh, they're alright. Hey, quick, pull me up, here she comes! *he does so*
Tallulah: Oh, how mommy's special child loves his walky! *Daffney carries her suitcases* Where was I, Daffney dearest?
Daffney: We were talking about your career.
Tallulah: Oh, my favorite subject!
Bigweed: When she gets close enough to the edge, swoosh! We scoop her up like a guppy!
Lil Seaweed: Shh, here she comes.
Tallulah: Oh, the theatre! Oh, it's been good today!
Bigweed: *tries to catch her but he falls* Rats, we've got to get closer! *lands hard on the ground* OUCH!
Daffney: What's this? *looks at a big black book*
Tallulah: Memories, darling, memories.
Daffney: *opens it up and gasps* Snorklahoma! Oh, I remember this play! You were wonderful!
Tallulah: *laughs* Oh, one of my rare attempts at a musical comedy! But a smash hit nonetheless!
(back at the playhouse, everyone is on stage rehearsing their lines)
Marina: Before we start, rehearsal, darling, let's set the scene. *Junior leaves* It's a hot, sweltering afternoon in the Deep South Seas.
Casey: *fans herself*
Marina: Marvelous, darling. Now, Allstar, brutish uncultured Kid Cuwalski has arrived at the DuBrobnick plantation.
(a large bag falls in front of him from above the stage)
(all gasp in horror)
Junior: Uh, yes ma'am?
Marina: Please check those weights. Someone could've gotten hurt. Uh, um, where were we? Oh yes. Blanche DuBrobnick, this fading blossom of the South, is fighting her brother-in-law for control of the family plantation. Action!
Tallulah: Whoa is me, darling!
Marina: Marvelous acting! Finally, Tessie the Maid, and sickly Jerome DeBrobnick, stand by helplessly, *Casey, dressed up as a maid, fans Tooter* and Kid and Blanche confront each other.
Marina: Ready? Let's take it from the top!
Allstar: "Is this the woman? I've had it with your dreams! I'm more to build a factory, and a --" *the door beneath him opens up and he falls into it* WHOA!
Tallulah: Allstar, darling, are you alright?
Allstar: Yeah, I landed on a mattress.
Marina: Well I'm going to get a building inspector down here. This theater isn't safe.
Junior: Uh, it's not the theater, it's the Phantom of the Playhouse.
Daffney: Oh, that's silly, you've been watching too much snorkavision!
Allstar: *feels another part of the floor, and it opens up and slaps him in the rear* YAO! What's goin' on here?
Junior: I'm telling you, it's the Phantom of the Playhouse. For some reason, he doesn't like Allstar.
Marina: Well I don't know what to think. We all must be very careful.
Casey: Oh, this is serious! Allstar could get hurt!
Tooter: *toots in agreement*
Casey: If we don't find out what's going on, Allstar's snork is stewed!
(back at the hotel lthe next mroning, as Tallulah sleeps next to her dogfish, Bigweed and Lil Seaweed disguise each other as hotel employees)
Bigweed: *with a cart for room service* Cause this time, there'll be no mistakes.
Lil Seaweed: *dressed as a maid* Right, boss.
Bigweed: *opens up the box beneath it* Guaranteed to hold a sea-elephant!
Lil Seaweed: *giggles* Let's see her get out of this one!
Bigweed: *laughs* All set?
Lil Seaweed: Go!
Bigweed: *rings doorbell five times before Tallulah wakes up*
Tallulah: *checks her clock* Mother of Pearl, it's the crack of noon!
Bigweed: *fakes a French accent* Madam, it's a room service!
Lil Seaweed: *laughs*
Tallulah: Go away! I didn't order a thing!
Bigweed: Ah, but it is from a secret admirer!
Tallulah: Oh, a secret admirer! *giggles* Oh, my! *they enter the room* Alright, breakfast in bed! Oh, my favorite!
Lil Seaweed: Ah, it is the surprise! You must close your eyes!
Tallulah: *does so* Ooh, if I must.
Bigweed: *gets out net* Ooh, it is going to be quite ze surprise!
Lil Seaweed: *gets out net* For the poodle, too!
Daffney: *opens door as cart goes out but comes back in* Good morning, Miss Bankfish!
(the cart pushes the Sea urchins off the hotel balcony)
(later on, Marina is adjusting the stage lights as rehearsals still go on)
Marina: Take five, everyone. I'll be down when I get this thing fixed.
(all are now in their costumes, as this is a dress rehearsal)
Tallulah: Do be careful, darling!
Casey: Yeah, let Allstar fix it!
Allstar: She said let me do it!
Marina: *her ladder sways, and so Allstar and Tooter hold it steady for her* Oh, thanks, kids. The last thing we need is more accidents.
Allstar: She's not kidding!
(later, Allstar, Casey, and Tooter talk to each other)
Casey: We wish you'd think about dropping out of the play, Allstar. You've just had too many close calls.
Tooter: *toots in agreement*
Allstar: Now you guys --
Casey: Tooter's right. That Phantom, or, whatever it is, has it in it for you.
Allstar: Casey, we open day after tomorrow. I can't quit now! The show must go on!
Junior: *watching from backstage* "The show must go on!" BAH!
Marina: Allstar, would you help me?
Allstar: Sure, Auntie Marina. Be right up.
Casey: Tooter, slow down, I don't follow you.
Tooter: *toots the plan*
Casey: Oh, I get it. If you wanna find out what's really going on, you have to be a good and observant detective.
Tooter: *he dresses up like one*
Casey: Oh, Tooter, that's terrific! We'll get to the bottom of this yet!
(Junior laughs as he heads to the props room)
Junior: "The show must go on, huh?" I'll give ya a show you'll never forget! *gets out a phantom wardrobe* The Phantom is going to make an unexpected guest appearance! *changes into it* Aah! Ooh, if this doesn't scare Allstar, nothing will! *laughs evilly*
Tooter: *pops out of a red suitcase and leaves before a pair of scissors falls on his head*
Bigweed: *after his scissors fall, now he's about to be wrapped up like a mummy* Now you dropped the scissor!
Lil Seaweed: That's because you're squirming!
Bigweed: Oww, ouch!
Lil Seaweed: Kelp out, you big baby! *wraps more paper around his face* There, you're done!
Bigweed: You know what? You know, snorks is givin' me an idea.
Lil Seaweed: Save me from your ideas!
Bigweed: Let's take Junior's plan a step further!
Lil Seaweed: *sarcastically* Oh, great! Now you wanna get into that corny old play, too!
Bigweed: No, no, no! Everytime we try to kidnap Tallulah, that dreadful Daffney somehow saves her.
Lil Seaweed: Oh, I know, I know!
Bigweed: So we gotta get Tallulah alone! Now what if we become the Phantom of the Playhouse?
Lil Seaweed: Yeah, then we can scare the daylights out of those silly snorks!
Bigweed: And have Tallulah all to ourselves!
(as they laugh and high five each other, Allstar and Casey are rehearsing their lines togehter)
Casey: "I beg of you, Mr. Kuwalski, don't keep Miss Blanche off the plantation. I just know she'll never be happy in the big city of Atlantis. She's not well, I tell you.
(Junior's laughing on the catwalk in his wardrobe, disguised as the Phantom, and as he swings down to drop a note, Tooter notices it's him, and he lands to the other side of the stage)
Tallulah: *picks it up* Darling, what is the commotion?
Daffney: Beats me!
Allstar: *reads it* This is your final warning - leave the play or parish. Signed, the Phantom. *gulps*
Casey: *smirks* Phantom my snork, that was Junior!
Casey: Let's tell the others. We're gonna teach Junior a lesson he'll never forget!
(all are together again)
Marina: Now, now, I want everyone to remain c-c-calm, darling. Ah, uh, when we open tonight, soem actors get to, ji-jinnery.
Junior: Oh, don't worry about us. We're gonna be a smash hit.
(Daffney, Tooter, Casey, and Allstar are backstage with the rest of the props)
Daffney: *dressing up Totoer as the Phantom* This oughta be good!
Casey: When the Phantom makes his appearance, Junior's going to be exposed as a fraud.
Allstar: He'll get the shock of his life, and then I'll take my role back.
Casey: You're right, Tooter. Let's just hope Junior learns it's awful to scare people.
(meanwhile, Bigweed and Lil Seaweed are right above them, disguised as Phantoms themselves)
Lil Seaweed: What are those snorks up to now???
Daffney: *dresses Tooter up as a phantom detectice of sorts* There, finished.
Allstar: *he and Casey swim out* See ya in a couple of minutes.
Daffney: *swims out with them* And remember to act like the real Phantom of the Playhouse.
Tooter: *does his best demonstration by growling and laughing to himself*
Bigweed: Phantom, huh? Well we certainly don't need any competition! Come on, give me a hand!
(as Tooter growls to himself in the mirror, Bigweed pushes a large box on him, causing him to be trapped inside - meanwhile, rehearsals still go on for the play)
Junior: You and your old fashioned ideas! You Depropnicks live in a fantasy world! You've never been anything, and you'll never get anywhere!
(Daffney turns to see Bigweed and Lil Seaweed swinging down towards them)
Allstar: Great! I didn't know Tooter could howl like that!
Junior: Th-that can't be! *runs off* Help! Help!
Tallulah: Darling, darling, I don't think that's your line.
Junior: Allstar you can have your part back! I don't wanna play Kid Cuwalski anymore!
Daffney: *laughs* The jig's up, Junior!
Allstar: *laughs* We found out you were the Phantom!
Casey: How could you do sucha thing???
Tooter: *swims over as he toots in exhaustion*
(all turn to him)
Daffney: Hi, Tooter.
Casey: If you're down here?
Allstar: Then who's up there?
(Bigweed swings down and successfully grabs Tallulah)
Tallulah: Put me down! Or I'll tell your mother on you!
(the ransom note falls on stage right in front of them)
Marina: *swims over* What's going on down here? This is supposed to be a rehearsal.
Allstar: *reads it out loud* Bigweed and Lil Seaweed kidnapped Tallulah! We'll have to pay a million clams to get her back!
Daffney: *moans* Oh, it's all my fault! I should've been with her!
Casey: No, Junior's to blame! He started this phony phantom business!
Marina: Now, now, it's nobody's fault - even though some are at lesser fault than others. Don't worry, darling, if I know Tallulah, she'll be back. She always manages.
Allstar: But, but what if she doesn't make it?
Marina: Well that's why we have an understudy. In the immortal words of Tallulah Bankfish, "the show must go on." Daffney, darling, tonight, you're going to play the role of Blance Rodnick.
Casey: Oh, Daffney, congratulations!
Allstar: *claps* You can do it!
(Tallulah's tied to a chair as Bigweed and Lil Seaweed cover their ears)
Tallulah: Untie me, you, you walking cabbages! I have a performance tonight!
Lil Seaweed: I don't know how much logner I can take this!
Bigweed: Don't worry. Some one will be here with that million clam ransom any minute.
Tallulah: *gasps* One million clams?! How dare you put a price tag on me!!! Why, I'm worth at least 5 million clams!
Lil Seaweed: Uh oh! There she blows!
(they hide as Tallulah jumps in her chair, still tied up, trying to catch them)
Tallulah: *bounces on the table that they're hiding under* Oh, the nerve of these cut-right criminals! I'm the greatest star Broadway has ever seen! Even the great Ethel Mermaid couldn't top me! One million clams indeed!
(later that night, the girls are putting on their make-up in the dressing room before the play begins)
Daffney: Oh, I'm so nervous, I jsut know I'll forget my lines.
Marina: Now darling, everything is going to be just fine.
Casey: Yeah, you'll give a performance no one will forget.
Daffney: Oh, that's what I'm afraid of! *cries*
Marina: These are the times that try snork souls. Daffney, we're counting on you, darling. You've simply got to pull yourself together, and give a performance that Tallulah would be proud of. It's the least we can do for her.
Daffney: You're right! I'm gonna do it for Tallulah!
(Tallulah's still bouncing around and trying to find the Sea Urchins)
Tallulah: Come out and face me, you cowards! Ooh, what fools these Urchins be! How dare they think they could keep my talent tied up for so long!
(but they have a sack above her, as they want to catch her in it)
Bigweed: Now! *they catch her*
Tallulah: And another thing --
Bigweed: Got ya!
Lil Seaweed: Now, let's get her back where we got her from!
(at the performance, everyone is clapping for Marina)
Marina: Thank you! Thank you all for coming! Now, let the play begin!
Casey: *backstage with Daffney* Break a snork!
Casey: That's theater talk for "good luck."
Daffney: Oh, thanks, I'm gonna need it.
(they head on stage as their characters)
Casey: Miss Blance, you worry too much. Why don't you sit here on the veranda, and I'll make us a nice kelp julip.
Daffney: No, Tessie. No spirits for me. I must have my wits about me when my brother-in-law arrives tonight. I have a strange feelin' trouble is afoot.
(transition over to the next scene, where Daffney performs her monologue)
Daffney: As long as the sea magnolias bloom, and there is kelp to pick, *Marina watches from backstage as well* I shall protect the DeBrobnick Plantation from all dispoilers.
(the Sea Urchins arrive at the fron entrance with Tallulah still in the sack)
Bigweed: Well, here's the playhouse at last.
Lil Seaweed: Yeah, let's leave the package and beat it. So long, sister!
Bigweed: Yeah, so long, million bucks! *they leave*
(she tries to break free of the sack)
Marina: *hears her* What is that?! *unties the sack* Quiet time, there's a play going on!
Tallulah: *pops out* I know, darling, I'm supposed to be in it!
Marina: I knew you'd be back, darling!
Tallulah: Of course, darling! Has the curtain gone up?
Marina: Yes, and I think you'll like what you see!
(the play still goes on, as Daffney's now holding a suitcase)
Casey: *holds a hankerchief in her hand* Goodbye, Miss Blanche. Promise you'll write from the hospital.
Tooter: *cries as well*
Daffney: Why, thank you, sir. I appreciate your words of encouragement.
Casey: She doesn't recognize you, Jerome. She's delirious!
Daffney: *another monologue in the spotlight* Those words mean a lot to me! You see, I've always had to rely on the kindness of strangers!
(the audience claps for her as Marina and Tallulah watch from behind the curtains)
Marina: Oh, I knew Daffney could do it! She's a natural!
Tallulah: *laughs* Of course, darling, she studied under me!
(Casey, Daffney, Allstar, and Tooter bow for the audience)
Tallulah: You should be truly proud, Marina.
Marina: Indeed, darling. For tonight, a snork is born!
(as they laugh, the camera zooms in on Daffney and fades into black)
(c) 1988 Hanna-Barbera and SEPP International